words Markku Pääkkönen
setting Jouni Tossavainen
for Gabriel
1. WORK
i drew the fixings
met my brother and his wife
didn’t drink anything, cheerful
2.
sleep
sleep
the fixings manufacturer doesn’t answer
3.
finally got the fixings, crayfish party
(this is written from memory, i just can’t for
instance remember anything about Monday
after I cooked the crayfish)
5. DAY
took a revia
drew up a work schedule
the shop girl at work, ok
6.
some bodging
lazier after lunch
but realisations, feelings of success, even
worrying
feelings of happiness, fantasies of heroism
7.
strange excitement
work
13. WORKING DAY
sawing in the cellar
feel like some liquor
so bad, it would be a relief
went to see the fireworks, the need for alcohol
disappeared
14.
(i’m writing this again
next morning and just can’t remember
some of it has disappeared)
15.
if only you could get up one morning so that
16.
dreams of quarrelling
with my brothers, i behaved like a little brat
the minister and the architect asked after the work’s
progress
18.
in the cellar
i sawed and glued st lawrence’s summers
bodged a bit
went to an opening, drank a glass of wine, conversed
19.
nuuksio day went well
drank wine and communal singing
the lesson continued
i felt like bursting into tears
21.
read, ate, worked, work
helps when you get something
read, ate, worked, tv, ok
22.
breakfast at the market
a good enough morning
23.
terrible fears playing golf
thought it wasn’t the spending of hubris
was so hot too
24.
nothing come of this
patience on the computer
working
working, extraordinarily well
25.
a beer would be
made a banana soda instead
in the middle of the game
43. DAY
passed
i suppose i watched tv and dozed
33.
diamond-drill bits turned up in juvanmalmi and an
angle drill from the bauhaus
in the afternoon i fetched leiviskä and kivisalo to
look at the prism-fixing design
has a small bomb inside
why the hell won’t they let me meet the engineer
34.
prism dimensions to cariitti
fancy some wine
tested the diamond-bit, doesn’t work
off to drink some wine
45.
bothered, breakfast
found out about drill-bit stuff
might just do it
46.
bright and early, strange
passed out
47.
had one at lunch, then
many, conked out
48.
made myself some soup
49.
another chinese meal
terribly nervous about something, don’t
know what
checking the fixing drawings
53. DAY
yesterday painted st lawrence’s summer
architect friends have won a government prize
my name was in the paper, but they didn’t
even ring me
54.
going on
and incredibly well
for the third day, what about celebrating
55.
a good day at work with the exception of a couple
pretty bad out of the blue
– felt on the brink of tears
st lawrence’s hands a great success
on the basis of the ideas of the beginning of the week
56.
same as yesterday
57.
feeling a bit bouncy
today i’m finishing three summers of st lawrence
photographing them and putting them into my exhibition application
only it means a lot of work and putting up with inevitable criticism
58.
after porridge to the gym
timber and plexiglass in the car
now to make the swing base, or shall i do it tomorrow
i’ll do the swing base
60. DAY
saija, i said to pirkko
then i went to tapiola
to agree about the sketches with arabia’s architects’ department
in turtiainen’s office
i suddenly began to blush
61.
i went to the money machine,
bumped into anna,
we went to the elite restaurant
from there with koski to kuu-kuu
agreed with pessi rautio
about the dokkari text
went with anna
to wake charles up, he didn’t like it at all
62.
pirkko called
pirkko is a nice girl
a feeling that i’m beginning to recognise colours
63.
cleaned the house
64.
texted pirkko and saija
sai’ja rang, wanted to know
whether i liked the way she looked
i said i think a person looks like
what they think, sai’ja didn’t like it
never mind, neither do i
83. DAY
the rest of the fixing came from cariitti
tolerance too small
awful anxiety, hid it from manu
in the evening at the gym i felt like roaring my heart
out
woke at night
pakila church stuff going round in my mind
84.
on tuesday the hanging of the prisms will begin on the
pakila site
the crane came, the insurance company will not
agree to insure the hanging
the master builder snapped at me when one of his
workers
drives my
crane
for his own amusement, tomorrow the drilling
of the first
hole
86.
didn’t get the exhibition at the sculptor gallery
87.
off to the site
the angle drill works
i’m in such a good mood
have a couple of beers with manu
bought a hammer drill too
88.
what a late night
i had to cancel the car for friday
through the hardware shop terrible hangover
by taxi to the site
finally got the strip irons in place
in the evening all i wanted to do was rest
89.
got the first fibre optics up
now we know what we’re doing
otherwise i couldn’t go on
90.
did an evening shift at the church
two prism openings nearly
in place, driving a car is hard
91.
numbers three and four are ready, in the evening
anguish
luckily there’s manu
92.
i promised manu an awful lot of materials as a bonus
for
the work’s success, well
now this will cost me a pretty packet
manu left
94.
energy levels high
these days are decisive for gabriel’s wing
today we’re lightening the reflective elements
95.
we helped hang an exhibition
got a terrible desire for liquor
and in the evening to the theatre to see kullervo
i fell asleep in the first act
102. DAY
to the church by taxi
the lightened elements work
well, terrible hangover
103.
got the rest of the prisms
great jellyfish the sun
makes on the church wall, incredible
but a man doesn’t cry without a reason
113. DAY
to the church by taxi
the sun was casting jellyfish
114.
leiviskä’s people visiting
one of them asked did i really know
told him he could answer
except that the jellyfish are stronger than i thought
115.
i don’t think i need the crane any more
i’ll leave the work terser
wild dreams
116.
i think gabriel’s wing will be ready today or tomorrow
at the latest
in the church i realised that i will not do anything
more to the interior, fixed
the reflective elements of the lower part and finished
the crypt
then we carried our stuff out to the car, had a slight uncertain feeling, were the reflective
elements still too dark, but i stuck with my decision,
it
can
rest, we carried the stuff out and started drinking
and editing the video
and
printing the pictures, i drank a lot
in the morning i cut my hair
17.
i handed over the work at the site, gave in my last
invoice
juha didn’t look at all extraordinary, at least on the
outside
maybe he likes the work
at home i was hit by a terrible anxiety, just as if
i’d killed someone
118.
that stuff i ordered through the society, they are
really expensive
on the other hand i can use some of them AGAIN said
the devil as he tugged
the artist by the ears
the devil bought me dinner and it was so good that i
even had to have a third beer
119.
last invoice for pakila church
lower than expected, i’ll be in the black if
the church pays my final bill
120.
filled in my self-employed pension form for this year,
terrible panic that
the pensions company
will make me pay self-employed pension premiums for
the next few years at the same level as the last and
it will all
end with the bailiffs, since i don’t have any income,
hopefully they will keep their word,
that they can
decide it concerning just this year
132. WORK
i fancy a beer
beer fancies me
no revia, home in good time
lost my memory in the end
143. DAY
something, in the evening, went for a walk, sat
on the shore of töölönlahti bay and
in the manala bar
terrible mania, at night
i ran out of energy at the botta club
144.
with students at an artists’ retreat
feel
145. WORKING DAY
i’ve got the bed on my back again
bumped into pirkko